


The Key to Even's House

by Mrs_Robinson



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Birthday, Childhood Friends, Coming Out, Dancing, Depression, Fluff and Smut, Gay Bar, Heartbreak, M/M, Mental Health Issues, My First Fanfic, Pancakes, SKAM Fic Week, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:53:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26258968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_Robinson/pseuds/Mrs_Robinson
Summary: Isak and Even are neighbors and best friends growing up. But, when Even starts dating Sonja, Isak realizes he has to tell Even how he feels, even if it ends their friendship. Based on a prompt from SKAM Weeks about childhood friends to lovers.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 44
Kudos: 115





	1. Chapter 1

Isak was frustrated. He grew up next door to Even, had never known a time when Even was not central to his world. But Even only saw Isak as a friend, a little brother really. And what frustrated Isak, sometimes to the point of tears, was how much he wished Even would see him as more.

One of Isak’s first memories was getting kicked in the stomach at the park as he ran in front of the swings. One minute, he was carefree and happy, laughing as his blond curls bounced while he raced after another kid. The next, a kid swinging caught him in the stomach and he was dazed and struggling to breathe on the ground. When he looked up, he saw this beautiful boy kneeling over him. The boy seemed to be floating above Isak and stroking his head. When Isak’s heart stopped pounding and his breathing calmed down, he could finally sit up. The boy held his arm around Isak, rubbing his back as he asked him if he was alright. Isak nodded, not trusting himself to speak. The boy smiled, the most dazzling thing Isak had ever seen, and said, “My name is Even. You need to be careful. We don’t want anything to hurt you again, do we?”

From that day on, Isak and Even were inseparable. It turned out that their mothers were friends, and so they naturally became part of each other’s lives. Although Even was 2 years older than Isak, he included Isak in all his activities. Even taught Isak how to draw, often drawing and coloring together for hours. Even was much better at drawing, but he was so patient. When Even started football at school, he would come home and practice with Isak in the backyard. He taught Isak how to dribble, pass, juggle the ball as many times in a row as he could. When Isak started school, Even was there to look out for him, show him the way around and took care of any bullies who tried to harass him. And when Isak’s parents started to fight, the only person he trusted enough to tell was Even.

At first, the fights were mild and sporadic. But, as Isak got older, the fights grew more intense. The first time Isak climbed out his window and snuck across to Even’s, he was 7. They had been screaming at each other for over an hour that night, his mother’s voice growing more and more frantic. Isak ran to the safest person he knew, Even, tapped on his window and waited. Although it was very dark, he knew Even would help him. Even opened his window and saw Isak in his flannel pajamas shivering in the March night. “Oh Issy, what’s wrong?” Isak couldn’t speak, he just started sobbing and shaking.

Even pulled him inside, hugged him tight and lay under the down comforter with him. Even rubbed his hands up and down Isak’s back and he whispered soothing sounds into his curls. Through broken sobs, Isak told Even, “They won’t stop shouting. It just got louder and louder, Even. I’m so scared.” Even whispered,”You’re safe now Issy. No one will hurt you now that you’re with me.” Isak felt the fear and sadness drain out of him, and, having worn himself out, fell asleep that night in Even’s arms. It was the best sleep in his young life.

After that, when Even’s parents realized what was happening next door, they gave Isak a key and free reign to come over any time he wanted. As his parents’ marriage crumbled, Isak found his way to sleep snuggled next to Even more and more often. On those nights, Isak would try to stay awake, his back resting against Even’s chest, so he could memorize the sounds of Even’s steady breathing, the feel of Even’s arm around his waist, the warmth and scent of his body. But, eventually, the safety of being with his favorite person in the world would lull him into a deep and peaceful sleep.

When Even was 14 and Isak was 12, Even started at Bakka. Isak thought his heart would break. He was so used to seeing Even at school every day. Looking for Even’s tall figure in the halls, watching for his beautiful eyes and smile as Even waited for Isak to walk home together, made school tolerable. Isak endured the separation as bravely as possible. Although Isak had made friends with Jonas and Eva in his year, he felt the loss of his daily doses of Even in his core. At first, Even and he kept in touch regularly. Even would send him funny texts, photos of drawings he made, stories about his new friends named Elias, Mikael and Yusuf. But he spent more and more time at Elias’s house after school with these friends and, gradually, Even grew further apart from Isak. The final straw was when Even started dating Sonja.

The way Isak found out about Even’s new girlfriend wasn’t directly from Even himself. He had to overhear it when their mothers were talking over the fence one Saturday. It was toward the end of the school year, and Isak was lying on his bed trying to draw. Because of the warm weather, he had his window open. At first, the sound of his mother chatting with Even’s mom was just background noise as he drew. But, when he heard Even’s name, his ears perked up.

“How has this first year gone for Even?” Isak’s mom asked.

“Really well,” Even’s mother replied. “He has made some close friends and enjoys the classes, especially film production. He’s always been so artistic. And the most exciting thing is that he just introduced us to his girlfriend, Sonja!”

Isak’s heart dropped into his stomach. He sat up, drawing forgotten, and drifted closer to the open window in a daze. How could Even love someone else? A girl? Had Even ever talked about girls? He listened, heart pounding, as Even’s mother described Sonja. How pretty she was. How polite. How much Even doted on her. Isak thought he was going to be sick.

That night, Isak realized he would never be able to rely on Even for safety anymore. He was on his own. Over the next days and weeks, he no longer sought Even out. Never sent him texts or tried to play football with him at the park. It was clear to Isak that Even didn’t care about him as much as Isak cared about, maybe even loved, Even. He went so far as to bring the key to Even’s house, the one he had worn every day on a chain around his neck and caressed as a touchstone when he had really bad days, back to Even’s mother. He thanked her very much, but told her, “I’m old enough now to handle things on my own.” She gave him a thoughtful look, took the key, but told him he was always welcome.

About a month after Isak learned about Even’s girlfriend, he finally sought Isak out. He came by one Friday evening, ringing the bell and coming into Isak’s room while he was playing FIFA. They used to play regularly, Even as Lionel Messi and Isak as Cristiano Ronaldo. This first time seeing Even in so long knocked the breath out of Isak. When he heard Even’s voice at the door, talking with his mother, Isak froze, his hands still on the controller. But, when Even walked through the door to his room, Isak pretended like he wasn’t quaking inside. Like the sight and sound and smell of Even wasn’t everything.

“What’s new?” Even asked, sitting down on the floor next to Isak.

“Not much,” Isak replied. “Just playing FIFA before I go meet Jonas at the skate park.” Isak hoped that sounded nonchalant, instead like he was shaking inside. What an idiot Isak had been, thinking he was over Even. In fewer than 2 minutes sitting next to him, Isak was ready to throw himself into Even’s arms and beg him to never leave.

“I haven’t seen you around,” Even said. Did he sound disappointed? Isak couldn’t tell. When he didn’t respond beyond a shrug, Even continued. “I want you to meet someone. Her name is Sonja and she’s cool. I think you will like her.”

Isak had braced himself for this moment. He suspected that Even would want them to meet, be friends even. That’s what an optimist Even was. It also made it crystal clear to Isak that Even had no idea of how deep Isak’s feelings were for him.

“Oh yeah?” Isak replied. “I don’t know if I’ll have time. I’m pretty busy this Summer with Jonas.” He had been trying to keep playing the video game, not to let on that he cared one way or another about the dagger that Even was plunging into his heart with those words. But, at this statement, Even grabbed Isak’s hand on the controller to stop the game.

“What’s going on, Isak?” Even put his hand under his chin to make Isak look him full in the face. Looking at that gorgeous face, seeing the bewilderment in his eyes, Isak knew that he had to be honest with Even. He owed him that, after all the care Even had given him since he could remember. Isak took a shaking breath, feeling the warmth of Even’s fingers as they gripped his chin. Isak’s gaze dropped from those eyes like reflecting pools to Even’s lips. Those full, pouty, gorgeous lips. As he did, Even sucked in a breath and withdrew his fingers from Isak.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea if I meet her.” Isak haltingly said. Even frowned, but Isak kept going. He was starting to shake, but he had to tell Even the truth. “It would hurt too much, Even. This year, you hanging around so much with your new friends has been hard enough. But to meet your girlfriend? That’s too hard.” As he finished, his voice was barely a whisper.

Even froze, his eyes wide. Isak wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. This might be the last time he got to look at his best friend. He saw the hurt and confusion in Even’s face and hated himself for putting it there. “Why is that too hard, Is?” Even asked.

Isak just looked at him. He replied, softly. “I think you know why, Ev.” When Even sat back, Isak went on. “I don’t want to meet her because I wish it was me.” Isak could feel tears gathering in his eyes. Even sat as still as a stone. “I feel too close to you Even, I knew it this year when you stopped coming by. Now, hearing about your girlfriend, I know it will never be me.” Isak took a big breath, then drove the final nail in. “I can’t hang out with you anymore. It would hurt too much.” With tears rolling down his cheeks, Isak watched Even try to process what he had just admitted.

Even looked stunned. His gaze took in Isak’s tear stained face and he struggled to find the right words to say. “I had no idea, Isak. I…I didn’t know you liked boys.” Isak let out a bitter laugh. “Not boys, Even. I’ve only felt this way about you.” Even looked bleak. “I don’t know what to say.” Despite being 2 years younger, Isak knew he had to be the brave one here, the mature one. “There’s nothing to say. You have your life at Bakka with your friends and girlfriend. I’m going to Nissen. We won’t have to see each other anymore.”

Even replied, “Is that what you want?” Isak said, “It’s what I need. It’s the easiest way now.”

Even stood up then, his eyes still shocked and so sad. “I never wanted to hurt you, Isak. I’ve wanted to protect you from hurting my whole life. And now, without knowing it, I hurt you even more.” Even started backing away toward the door. Isak watching him retreat, knowing it was for the best, but hating it too. “Everyone I care about hurts me, Even. I’m used to it by now.” Even looked so stricken by that statement, Isak couldn’t bear it. He wiped his tears, turned away from Even, and picked up the controller again. Like his best friend wasn’t walking out of his room and life forever. It was his only method of self-preservation.

Even stood there for a moment, put his hand on the doorknob and said, in a quiet and sad voice. “I don’t like it, but I understand. I hate that I hurt you. Goodbye Isak.” He walked out, closed the door and Isak climbed onto his bed and allowed himself to finally break down.

* * *

Even stumbled home, barely registering what had just happened. Isak had always been his best friend, but knowing that he liked him? Liked him like that? Even never suspected it. Since Even had met Sonja, and they started getting close, she had taken up so much of his attention. But now that he knew how Isak felt, he let his mind focus on him. He thought back to all the time they spent together - all the times Even had held Isak as he cried and sought comfort. It always hurt Even to see Isak struggle. And now, like some kind of sick joke, he realized that he hurt him too. God, Even hated himself for that. How could he hurt someone like Isak, someone he cared about so much?

Even sat in his room and let his emotions roll over him. The euphoria he had felt as he and Sonja started dating seeped away. In his head, her face faded and Isak’s image took over. He thought about Isak’s green eyes, brimming with tears, his mouth, set in a grim line, his body trembling to contain his pain. God damn it! How had Even missed Isak’s feelings for him? Because, he told himself bitterly, all Even had been thinking about was himself. He had left Isak behind to go to Bakka and selfishly focused only on his new friends and life. He hadn’t been a good friend to Isak. He had abandoned and hurt him. And the thing Isak said about everyone he cared about hurting him? That made Even _hate_ himself the most.

Even got into bed and closed his eyes. He let these feeling of despair and self-loathing wash over him. He didn’t leave his bed for the next three days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love the theme of childhood friends to lovers, and like imagining little Even showing little Isak how to do things like draw and play football. Sorry about the sad ending, but I hope you think it's worth it next chapter. Please let me know what you think - your kudos and comments are so important to me. Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even and Isak are there for each other during some dark times. Please know there are references to depression and mental illness.

** Chapter 2 **

The night when Isak told Even he had feelings for him, that he was jealous of his girlfriend, Sonja, was the start of Even’s first depressive episode. Although he had experienced mood swings during his 14 years of life, this was the first time Even felt such overwhelming despair. He slept constantly, wanting to numb his mind through unconsciousness. However, his sleep was restless, filled with dreams of green eyes crying, running through empty houses calling for Isak, of trying to grab Isak as he was falling.

Any time his parents or Sonja tried to coax him out of bed, Even couldn’t bear it. Their soothing voices were grating to him. He left plates of food and cups of tea untouched on his nightstand. He sent Sonja away with harsh words to leave him alone. The worst part was that he could not envision ever feeling better. If this was his new reality, for the rest of his life, he didn’t think he could face it.

Finally, after another night when he dreamed of Isak, of reaching for him and watching him slip away, Even slowly emerged from sleep. He felt warm, warmer than he had felt for days. And he felt a weight around him that was familiar, a smell that stirred pleasant memories. Even woke fully and realized that he was in his bed, and that Isak was wrapped around him. He blinked a few times to make sure this wasn’t another dream. All the times in their young lives that Isak had sought him out for comfort, Even was always the one to shield him, be the big spoon to Isak’s little one. But now, Isak had come to him and took over that role. His heart started to thud as he absorbed the details of Isak cradling him in his bed – his sandlewood smell, his soft warmth, his breath on Even’s neck. Unlike any other tactic his parents and Sonja had tried, Isak holding him was what finally broke through Even’s fog of depression.

Even lay still for several moments, absorbing the feel of Isak, accepting his comfort. His heart swelled knowing that Isak came to comfort him, despite how hurt he was the last time they saw each other. He smiled to himself, letting that warmth flow through his veins. He slowly turned in Isak’s arms, facing him. In the early dawn light, he could just make out his sleeping face. Even let his eyes drift over the angles and planes of Isak’s face. He reflected on how he was starting to change, his face at age 12 getting close to puberty. The cheeks were lovely and round, the Cupid’s bow lips slightly open and pink, the long lashes of his closed eyes. Even let his imagination project what Isak would look like as he grew up, as he became a man. What would he look like at 18? At 25? At 40? Would Isak be tall, grow a beard, have a very deep voice? The artist in Even itched to draw Isak’s peaceful sleeping face as it was, on the cusp of becoming a teenager. He wanted to capture this image, one that filled him with such calm, forever. He settled for taking a mental snapshot, saving this quiet moment in his memory.

As if able to feel the weight of his stare, Isak slowly opened his eyes. Those sleepy green irises widened at seeing Even awake and hyper focused on him. Not wanting to spoil the moment, Even gently rubbed Isak’s shoulder and whispered, “Good morning.” Isak seemed to read Even’s mood, smiled slightly and replied softly, “Good morning to you.” They lay there, smiling at each other, but Even could see that Isak had questions in his gaze. He had questions of his own. “How long have you been here?” Even asked. Isak looked down, a bit shy, then back up into Even’s blue eyes. “Your mom came over late last night. She asked me to come help you.” Isak paused. He seemed to not know how much to say. Eventually, after a few breaths, he went on. “She said she didn’t know how to get you out of bed. She sounded really scared, Even.”

“Is that why you came?” Even asked. He knew that a chasm had opened up in their friendship the last time they spoke. He wanted to understand what had caused Isak to leap across it, to come back to him. “I came because I was scared too. I know I said some horrible things to you, Even, but I don’t want to lose your friendship.” Even had been rubbing his hand along Isak’s shoulder and arm this whole time. But, suddenly, Isak reached out and held onto Even’s hand. “I know that you don’t like me the way I like you, but I always want to have your friendship. However I can.”

Even’s breath caught as he saw Isak’s eyes blaze with feeling. “I never want to not be your friend either, Issy.” At the use of his nickname, Isak closed his eyes and rolled closer to Even, his body trembling. Even leaned into him and rubbed his back, much as he had the first time they met. After several minutes, Isak stopped trembling and asked Even, “Why weren’t you getting out of bed? What happened?” Even gathered his thoughts, but didn’t have a clear answer. “I can’t really explain it. I just felt like I couldn’t face anything. That anyone who tried to talk to me was sticking me with a hundred needles.” Even sighed deeply. “I couldn’t see the point in doing anything. My mind wouldn’t stop, unless I slept, so that’s all I wanted to do. I’ve never felt anything like it before.” Even hated how weak that made him sound. He didn’t want this sadness to become his new reality.

Isak asked, “Do you still feel that way?” Even’s warm hand was still on Isak’s back, just holding him gently, even though Isak was the one who should be comforting him. “A little,” Even admitted. He knew he had to talk about what had started his downward spiral, though. “But I am still sorry that I hurt you, Isak. That night is when…all this started.”

Isak’s eyes widened at that and he took in a sharp breath. As if sensing his shock, Even began rubbing his back again. “It’s ok. I’m just so happy to see you. I can’t believe you came to rescue me.” Isak let out a short huff of a laugh. “Well, you made me watch ‘Pretty Woman’ enough times to know that both people need to be able to rescue the other, Ev.” That made Even laugh, a huge belly laugh, which Isak joined in. They lay there, laughing together, as the sun filled the window and knew that they were alright again.

******

After Even got out of bed, finally, and they went into the kitchen and ate pancakes, Even and Isak went back to being friends. Even’s parents took him to the doctor, who diagnosed him as bipolar. The doctor recommended therapy and so Even started to go.

Isak didn’t want to pry, so he didn’t ask Even much about his therapy sessions. But, he kept a closer eye on Even, if that was possible. He felt like he now had an internal Even scale that catalogued Even’s moods, much like the Richter scale that registers earthquakes. He liked having that responsibility, that Even’s mother knew Isak was the one who was able to bring her son back from the dark place he had fallen.

The fight that Isak and Even had had, together with the knowledge that Even was bipolar, caused a shift in Isak’s feelings for Even. What had been a childhood crush had transformed into a deeper love. Isak had been in hell for the three days after he had ordered Even out of his life. Those three days had felt like three years, and he realized that he wanted to do whatever he could to still be close to Even. Isak’s love for Even now felt deeper, less like romantic love and more like a bond that could never be broken. They understood each other, that was all. And it was enough for Isak.

******

Even was now 17 and Isak was 15. Even was still at Bakka, and Isak was at Nissen. Although they were still close, they spent less time together. Even’s parents had moved to Copenhagen for his father’s teaching job, so Even lived in a shared apartment with his friend Mikael. Isak lived at home still, but his parents’ marriage, which had been rocky seemingly forever, was quickly ending. The main cause was his mother and her slipping grip on reality. She was always religious, but she seemed to be fixated more now on the Bible, often ranting and shouting Bible verses at all hours. His father finally gave up and moved out of the house, leaving Isak alone with his mother. Isak now had to make sure his mother didn’t hurt herself and try to keep up with his studies at the same time. Isak felt like he was drowning with all of these competing responsibilities and was also too stubborn to ask for help.

It was at his lowest point, when his mother had smashed the kitchen window with her bare hands one night, that he called the one person he could always depend on. As if sensing something was wrong, Even picked up immediately. “Isak? Are you ok?” Hearing that calm voice made Isak finally break. He had been so strong, trying to handle everything on his own like a grown up, but he realized now that was ridiculous. “Ev…Even. I need you,” he said through his tears. “Where are you?” Even asked. “I…I…I’m at home. My mom is scaring me. She cut her hands on the window and won’t calm down.” “Isak. It’s going to be ok. Call 113. I will be right there.” Isak felt a small sense of relief at having something affirmative to do. “Thanks Even. Please hurry.” He hung up, then called 113 and directed the ambulance to his house.

When he told his mother that the ambulance was coming, that seemed to quiet her. It was as if the fog surrounding her lifted for the moment and she realized her hands were bleeding and the kitchen floor was littered with broken glass. “I’m sorry, Isak. I’m sorry my son” she whispered.

The ambulance arrived much quicker than Isak expected. When he opened the door for the two paramedics, one started taking care of his mother’s cuts immediately. The other sat down with Isak in a separate room to talk to him about what happened. She had a kind face, and asked Isak questions about his mother, the broken window, if she had done this before? Isak didn’t want to betray his mom, but at the same time, he knew that hiding the truth of her mental health wouldn’t help her. As he began to describe the past few frantic months, Even walked through the door. He took one look at the situation, at Isak’s teary and somber expression, and enveloped him in a huge hug. “I’m here, Is. I’m here now. Nothing’s going to hurt you,” he whispered in his ear. Isak held onto him as if he were a life preserver. He took deep breath, inhaling Even’s clean, warm smell, and knew he wasn’t alone. That Even would share his pain and help carry this burden.

The paramedics and Isak decided that his mother needed more care than she was getting at home with just him, so they took her to the hospital. His mother accepted this, and adamantly told Isak not to come with them in the ambulance. “I’ll be fine, honey. God will take care of me.” Isak wanted to fight her, to stay with her, but the paramedics recommended he stay home also. “She needs some time with the doctors to determine her treatment,” the paramedic told Isak, as Even was standing next to him, rubbing his back. Isak felt the fight go out of him. He sighed heavily and acquiesced. “OK,” he whispered. It felt like failure and relief at the same time. Isak and Even stood close together and watched as his mother was wheeled into the ambulance, her hands and wrists wrapped up in white gauze, but her face calm. When they drove away, Even wrapped his long arms around Isak and breathed into his hair. They absorbed each other’s comfort for a few moments, then walked back into the house.

Even sat Isak down on the couch, made him drink a full glass of water, then proceeded to sweep up the glass in the kitchen. Even found some wood, nailed it over the broken pane, and then came back to where Isak still sat in a daze. “Do you want to sleep here?” Even asked him gently. Isak shuddered, “No, I can’t stay here. I just can’t.” Even nodded, then went to Isak’s room, packed up some clothes, and took his hand. “Let’s go to my place,” Even said. Isak just nodded and followed Even into the night.

When they got to his apartment, Isak was numb, moving like a zombie. Even realized he must be exhausted. So, he helped Isak undress down to his tshirt and boxers and tucked him into his bed. “Are you coming to bed too?” Isak roused himself to ask. Even smiled a soft smile, “Yes, sweetheart. Of course, I’ll be right there.” He left the small lamp on next to his bed, then went to brush his teeth and get ready for bed.

Isak let his gaze wander over the walls of Even’s room. He saw all of Even’s drawings, some he remembered from years past, some new. It felt so comforting to be away from his house, away from the stress of dealing with his mother. His eyes caught on a drawing that he had never seen before. It was in pencil, small and toward the edge of all the other drawings. It was Isak, not as he looked now, at 15, but when he was younger, maybe 11 or 12. The drawing was of his face, asleep, and in it he looked so peaceful. He couldn’t look away from the image of himself so calm and angelic.

Even came back into the room then, and saw what Isak had sat up to look at. “Is this new?” Isak asked. Even looked a little sheepish. “No, I drew that a few years ago,” he replied. Even hesitated, looking down at the floor, then went on gently. “It was an image in my head from the time you came to rescue me during my first depressive episode.” Isak sucked in a breath. He remembered. “I look so relaxed,” he said. “I can’t believe I was ever that calm. I haven’t felt like that in a long time.” Even came and got under the covers with Isak. “That image got me through some dark times,” he said, “Not just the expression on your face, but remembering that it was you who pulled me out of it. I will do my best to help bring that peace back to you.”

Isak looked at Even’s beautiful face and smiled. “Thank you for rescuing me tonight.” Even smiled back and brushed a soft kiss on Isak’s cheek. “Always,” he replied softly. They fell asleep in each other’s arms, the safest place either of them had ever known.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I didn't expect this chapter to be so dark, but it just came out of me. Perhaps a reflection of these times. The key to remember is that Isak and Even are there for each other. They are each other's rock and, in the words of Pretty Woman, they rescue each other. I expect the next chapter will get to the "lovers" part of the "childhood friends to lovers" prompt. Your kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even are now a few years older. They celebrate Isak’s 18th birthday with their friends. I will leave the rest of the notes for the end, but hope you enjoy the ending of my first fic!

The past several years have been filled with changes for Isak and Even. Even finished at Bakka and went on to study film at the Norwegian Film School. At 20, Even is now enjoying his life as a university student, living on his own and exploring what direction he wants his film studies to take him. He has had a few girlfriends over the years, but nothing that lasted over six months. Although he engages in meditation and yoga, he still experiences highs and lows that are part of being bipolar. If someone were to ask him, on most days he would say he is content. 

Isak, who is about to turn 18, is in his last year at Nissen. After the trauma of his mother’s hospitalization and continuing treatment, Isak decided to live in a kollektiv. His roommate, Eskild has taken Isak under his wing. He has decided to be Isak’s self-proclaimed “gay guru” and opened Isak’s eyes to a life that he hadn’t experienced before. At first, going with Eskild to a gay bar had sent Isak into a full-on panic, but it also forced him to really examine what he wanted in life. His mother’s health issues had shown Isak that life was uncertain, and he should enjoy it while he could. You never knew when you could be struck by lightning or hit by a bus, right? At least, that’s what Isak told himself. If he couldn’t have Even as anything more than a friend, he would find that connection with someone else. There were many “someones” who were definitely interested in Isak, with his golden curls, green eyes and tall, fit body.

Isak first hooked up with men he met at the bars, learning how to flirt and be more comfortable with his sexuality. His first kiss was with a tall, blond man who looked startlingly like Even. They had danced together, Isak enjoying letting go and feeling the music pulse through him. After a few songs, the man drifted closer to him, and Isak put his arms around the man’s neck, pulling their mouths together. While the kiss wasn’t electric, it was nice to be close to someone who wanted to be with him that way too. After that, Isak explored what he liked through sexual encounters with men he met at bars or dancing, but nothing lasting. He didn’t fully realize that, while he wanted to experience a physical relationship and learn more about his desires, he wasn’t ready to get emotionally close to anyone. If he sometimes closed his eyes as his latest bedmate sucked or fucked him and pictured Even, that was something he kept to himself.

The benefit of his awakening, as Eskild called it, was that he felt comfortable enough to own his sexuality and came out his friends. He first told Jonas and Eva last year. The conversation took place at their favorite park. He was so nervous, but Eva and Jonas had known him since they were in barneskole. He simply told them that he realized he was attracted to men and did they want to go for a kebab? Neither Jonas or Eva seemed too surprised, and they smiled, hugged him and went for kebabs. 

Eva had come with him and Eskild a few times to their favorite gay club and had so much fun dancing the night away with them. She attracted her fair share of female interest with her long, wavy auburn hair and beautiful smile, much to Isak’s amusement. 

Even and Isak didn’t hang out regularly on their own since Even was so busy at film school, but he did come over for “family dinners” at the kollektiv, sometimes bringing his current girlfriend, and had made friends with Eskild. On those nights, in a kitchen full of friends, Isak would watch Even, who was an excellent chef, cook a massive pasta bolognese or risotto while everyone drank wine and enjoyed themselves. He still felt slight pangs flare inside him, especially when Even caught his eye and smiled with his eyebrows raised, as if to check that Isak was ok. Isak always gave a slight nod and smiled back. Isak never brought anyone to family dinner. 

Isak wasn’t deliberately hiding his newfound sense of self from Even, but he left out the details of his sex life when they talked. Eskild would drop references, but Even didn’t pry further. 

*****

“Isak!” Eskild calls at family dinner. There are 10 people that night around their table, finishing up fish with lemon-butter sauce Even made along with copious amounts of white wine Noora had brought. 

“Yeah?” Isak replies, pausing his conversation with Sana on his right. 

“Should we celebrate your 18th birthday at Fire?” Eskild knows it is one of Isak’s favorite clubs. Isak hesitates, not sure if he wants to bring everyone, including Even, to a gay club. 

“Ooh yes! Let’s do that!” Eva says. “That place is so much fun!” Her enthusiasm is infectious, and everyone around the table agrees. 

Isak feels his face get hot as he realizes Even is watching him from the end of the table, an inscrutable expression on his face. Fuck it, he thinks, this is who I am. He needs to know that. 

“Let’s do it,” Isak says with a smile. They all agree to pre-party at the kollektiv the following Saturday and head over to Fire together. 

*****

The night of Isak’s birthday celebration, Even arrives at the kollektiv around 20:30. After he takes his coat and shoes off, he sees Isak in the kitchen, wearing black skinny jeans and a black tight t-shirt that shows off his body. Even does a double take - he has never seen Isak looking this hot and it does something to him that he was unprepared for. 

“Happy Birthday, Is.” Even says as Isak comes out to greet him. Even gives him a big hug, lingering a bit to breathe him in. When they pull back, Even holds out a small box. 

“What is it?” Isak asks with a smile.

“Open it and see,” Even says with a chuckle. Most of the other guests are in the kitchen, so Isak and Even have relative privacy in the living room. Isak slowly opens the box and sees inside a thick braided leather bracelet. It is simple and elegant, with shades of brown, green and blue. 

“Thank you, Even,” Isak says in a low voice. 

“I hope you like it. The colors reminded me of you,” Even says. He watches Isak take it out of the box and look at it, turning it over to see small initials on the back. EBN. 

“Did you make this?” Isak asks. 

Even drops his eyes from Isak’s face to the bracelet. “Yes, I wanted to give you something unique from me.”

“I love it,” Isak whispers. “Will…will you help me put it on?” 

Even clears his throat, “Yes, of course.” 

He takes it from Isak’s hand, their fingers brushing together and feels sparks where they touch. Isak holds his left wrist out so Even can tie the bracelet on. They stand, heads bent over Isak’s arm, as Even ties it securely. It causes a strange feeling in his heart when Even sees the gift he made against Isak’s creamy skin, marking him. Isak glances up, a look of wonder in his eyes. They stand there, eyes caught together for a long moment. It is not until the doorbell rings that the spell is broken, and they move apart. Now is not the time to explore this further, Even thinks. He smiles and says, “I need a drink.” Isak nods and they move apart, smiling. 

The pre-party is filling up with their many friends. Even enjoys himself, especially seeing Isak so happy. He seems to be incandescent with all his friends there to celebrate his birthday. They have cake before going out, everyone singing “Hurra for deg!” Even watches Isak in the glow of the candles as he pauses for a moment, closes his eyes and blows them out. Everyone cheers.

*****

At Fire, their group first heads to the bar at Eskild’s insistence, to do a birthday shot with Isak and his various friends and admirers waiting to celebrate with him. Isak feels amazing, just on the right side of drunk and so happy to be with all his friends. He sees so many, including some past hook ups, who give him hugs and kisses and make him feel special. 

What makes the night extra special is that his Fire friends are mingling with his school friends. He loves seeing Eva and Noora mingling with Tristan, a super-hot Black guy Isak hooked up with a few months back. Sana and Yousef are talking with Lucie and Madeleine, a lovely French couple, and Even chats with Bernard, a transgender man who is good friends with Eskild. It is everything Isak could want. Well, everything he allows himself to want. 

Eventually, Isak gets pulled onto the dance floor, getting lost in the music; the alcohol and the bass pulsing through his body. He loves dancing, loves being surrounded by people all moving to the same beat. It makes him feel like he could be anyone, that no one is judging him. He can feel free to do whatever he pleases, and if he decides to grind on someone, like he does with Tristan looping his arms around Tristan’s neck and allowing him to caress his body as the lights flash as they are surrounded by people doing much the same, who would care? No one even notices, Isak thought, until he looks across the dance floor and his eyes lock with Even’s.

*****

Even is transfixed watching Isak let loose on the dance floor. He has never seen him so free and uninhibited. Eskild was right when he suggested they come here for Isak’s birthday. He looks like he has never been happier. That causes a stab of jealousy in Even’s gut that surprises him. What makes that knife really twist, however, is the way that Isak looks with Tristan together on the dance floor. They make a striking couple: Tristan dark and muscular with a smooth, shaved head, against Isak, equally strong, but tall, fair and sporting those blond curls. It is torture watching them. 

Even imagines what it would feel like to be the one to press his front up to Isak’s strong back, to thrust his hips into that firm ass, and kiss his way down Isak’s neck. Even pants as he stands off to the side of the dance floor, trying to calm his body down, to no avail. When Isak locks eyes with him, he feels himself get fully hard and gasps out loud. He isn’t suddenly attracted to Isak because of the interest from others. He feels like he is seeing Isak as his full self, someone who has grown into himself and knows what he wants in a lover, in a partner. It’s intoxicating to watch.

At that moment, as Isak looks up and sees Even, the song switches to something slower, sexier. He knows he must look desperate but doesn’t care. Isak opens his mouth on a gasp and pulls away from the man behind him to cross over to Even. They stare at each other as the beat slowly surrounds them. Even is breathing like he’s just run the 100-yard dash as he stares at Isak. Isak bites his own bottom lip, and that is what finally breaks Even. He raises his hand to Isak’s face and strokes his fingers over his cheek. Even sucks in a breath as he runs his thumb over Isak’s bottom lip. Isak’s tongue comes out to lick Even’s thumb, causing them both to shudder and Even to pull Isak flush against his body. 

Even’s heart beats wildly as he focuses on the man in front of him. The strobe lights flash across Isak’s face and Even knows he has never seen anyone so beautiful. He wants to make sure this is right, though, that it’s what Isak wants too. He stands stock still, waiting for Isak to make the final move, their chests heaving against each other’s. Finally, after what feels like a lifetime, Isak wraps his arms around Even’s neck, and brings their lips together. 

The warmth of Isak’s mouth on his seems to stop his heart. It stutters, then feels like it is melting as the kiss grows deeper. They pull apart briefly, to look into each other’s eyes, smile a secret, shared smile, and then dive back into each other’s mouths. Their lips open to make room for their tongues, twining together, absorbing each other’s taste. Isak tastes like vodka, cake and something that is all Isak. Even can’t seem to get enough. Finally, Even thinks. Why did I wait so long to be this close to the person who means so much to me?

*****

Isak can’t believe this is actually happening. He is kissing Even. He is standing in the middle of the dance floor, in Even’s arms, and they are devouring each other’s mouths. Feeling their bodies pressing up against each other, especially feeling Even’s hardness against his own, makes him dizzy. 

Isak pulls away slightly as their bodies begin to thrust more forcefully together. He puts his mouth next to Even’s ear and growls low, just for him. “Want to get out of here?”

Even looks at him, his eyes filled with desire. “Yes,” he replies with no hesitation. Isak gives him a dazzling smile, delivers another quick kiss on Even’s sinful lips, then grabs his hand and leads them off the dance floor and out of the club. If Isak had looked around at all, he would have seen approving smiles from their friends. They all know that this was a long time coming.

They keep holding hands as they leave the club and get into a cab waiting nearby. “Where to?” the driver asks. Even looks at Isak, who nods slightly, letting Even choose where to go. Even gives them his address. As the car starts moving, Even enfolds Isak into his arms again, kissing his beautiful cupid’s bow lips fervently. 

Without the loud music of the club, Isak can absorb more of this magic of kissing Even. He feels the sinuous dance of Even’s tongue with his own, revels in the silk of Even’s dark blond hair as he cards his fingers through it, hears the moans and whimpers coming from Even’s throat, or are they from him? He doesn’t know at this point and doesn’t care. Even is consuming him, running his hands along Isak’s back and neck, holding him tightly. 

They move together fluidly, Even at one point pulling Isak to straddle his lap as the cab drives through the dark streets of Oslo at 2:00. They could be in Timbuktu for all Isak cares. Nothing exists for him right now outside of the back seat of this cab and the man now moving his mouth down to kiss Isak’s neck. He giggles when Even hits a particularly ticklish section of his neck, causing Even to laugh too. They hold each other for a moment, just laughing together at the sheer joy of being in each other’s arms. Even moves to drop burning kisses down Isak’s jawline and neck, while Isak breathes directly into Even’s ear. 

“Even…” he whispers into his ear. Even responds with a moan and clutches at Isak’s back, moving his big warm hands down to Isak’s ass. Taking a delicious cheek in each hand, he squeezes, and Isak begins writhing in his lap. “Baby, please,” Isak pleads. He doesn’t know what exactly he’s asking for. Just…more.

Abruptly, the car stops, and they blink to clear their heads. They are outside Even’s building. Isak climbs off Even, and starts to reach for his wallet, but Even beats him to it. “I got it,” he says with a smile. “It’s your birthday, you shouldn’t have to pay for anything.” 

After they pay, they get out of the cab and Even again takes his hand, leads him through the front door, up the stairs and into his apartment. In the quiet darkness, Isak can smell that indescribable smell that always makes him feel at home. Pure Even. 

They smile at each other, Even coming to stand directly in front of Isak, as they lean their foreheads together, fingers entwined. 

“What do you want, Is?” Even asks. 

That simple question causes Isak to start shivering uncontrollably. He looks into Even’s ocean eyes and simple replies, “I want you, Ev. I want you inside of me. Please.”

Even inhales sharply and wraps his arms around Isak, rubbing his hands all over to calm Isak’s shivering. “Yes, baby. I want that too.”  
Isak lets Even lead him to his bedroom. Although Isak’s heart is pounding, he doesn’t feel frantic. He wants to savor this, their first time together. He reaches out to caress Even’s waist, dipping under his shirt to feel the skin there. He grins when he feels Even’s abs jump in reaction to that touch of skin on skin. Isak loves knowing that Even is just as affected by his touch as he is. He runs his hands up Even’s chest, bringing his shirt up with them. When he gets to Even’s nipples, he traces slow circles around them, teasing him as he watches his face to see how he reacts. Even’s eyes darken, and his lips part as he sucks in a breath. Oh, Isak thinks, he likes that. Isak continues his movements, growing closer and closer until he finally ends his teasing touches by pinching them both, hard. If he thought Even looked wrecked before, that was nothing to seeing how much he liked when Isak got a little rough. Isak files that piece of information away, grinning even bigger.

Isak pulls Even’s shirt off, then allows Even to take his shirt off too. Seeing all of that skin is a dream. He can’t get enough of touching Even, and Even evidently feels the same. They bring their mouths back together and wrap their arms around each other, exploring. 

The noises from Even make Isak feel drunk. The moans in Even’s throat as they kiss vibrate through both of their bodies. They grow louder when Isak drops his hand to caress Even’s hardness through his pants. 

“Fuuuuck,” Even moans as Isak rubs up and down. “That’s so fucking good, Isak,” Even pants. He returns the favor, and Isak almost blacks out, it feels so good. He reaches for Even’s belt. Isak is ready to move this along to the part where they finally get naked together.

*****

Even feels like his body is on fire with how Isak is touching him. He has never felt this turned on, this desperate before. They strip down the rest of the way, still dropping kisses all over each other. When they’re both naked, Even takes a small step back, and lets himself just look at Isak. In the dark of his bedroom, Isak is blinding. 

“You are so beautiful, Is,” he breathes out. “I’m sorry it took me so long to realize.” 

Isak smiled shyly, like Even’s words are too much. “Just be with me now,” he replies. 

“Now, and always,” Even vows. 

Even wraps Isak up in his arms, sealing this acknowledgement of their future with a kiss. Isak turns molten in his arms, and Even walks them backward until they get to the bed. Isak pushes Even back onto the bed, standing over him. 

“You’re beautiful too, baby. I’ve thought so ever since I met you.” Isak smiles a wicked smile, and adds, “Especially your cock.” Even laughs, but it dies quickly as Isak crawls up his body, leaving kisses along his endless legs until he hovers over Even’s straining cock. He looks up, tangles his gaze with Even’s and licks a stripe from the base to the tip. 

Even feels desperate. Watching Isak hold his gaze as he wraps those lips around his shaft and devour him as if he was his last meal is everything. He wants to watch this show forever, but Isak’s clever tongue and hot mouth make Even’s eyes roll into the back of his head. Even can’t stop the moans and whimpers and encouragement coming from him. 

“Yeah, Isak. That’s soo good, baby,” Even croons. After a few more minutes of this bliss, though, Even pulls at Isak’s hair to draw his mouth off of him. Isak looks up with questions in his eyes. “I need you, I need all of you.” Even says.

Isak smiles and asks, “Do you have lube and condoms?” Even does, reaching over to his night table drawer to get both things out. Even takes the lube in one hand, rubs the other one up Isak’s strong thigh and around to his ass. “Can you show me how to get you ready for me?” 

Isak groans and rolls his eyes, “Even, you can’t say shit like that to me if you want me to last!” 

Even smirks, “Not sorry, baby.” 

Isak happily shows Even how to slick up his fingers with lube and trace them over his hot rim. With his eyes on Isak’s, Even works his way inside, charting his reactions as he opens him up. Even catalogues Isak’s sighs, his fluttering lashes, his sharp intakes of breath. He adds another finger, reaching deeper inside, searching out the spot Isak whispers to him about. When he reaches it, Isak lets out a wail like he has never heard before. He passes his fingers over it again, twisting to get closer. 

“Oh my fucking God, Evvvv. You have to get inside me now,” Isak demands. “I can’t wait any more. I’ve waited so long for you. Please.” Isak is pleading now and doesn’t care. 

“Shhh, Is. I’ve got you.” Even lets Isak roll the condom on and apply more lube to him before Even rolls them over so Isak is on his back. He wants to look into Isak’s eyes this first time. Those green eyes that have seen him, really seen him, their whole lives. 

Even notches himself against Isak’s entrance, braces his forearms on either side of Isak’s head and pushes forward. The heat and tightness are unreal. He slides in slowly, watching Isak’s awestruck expression. When he is all the way, Even looks into those beautiful eyes and whispers, “Sweetheart.” 

Isak’s lurches up for a kiss, fusing their mouths together as Even begins to thrust -long, slow and delicious slides into Isak’s hot body. He can’t get enough of watching, feeling and hearing Isak beneath him. Of claiming him. Even grabs Isak’s left hand and his heart jumps when sees the bracelet he made him around the wrist. 

“Yes, God, yes!” Even calls as he gets closer to orgasm. He can’t go first, though. He needs to make sure Isak is satisfied. “God, Isak, you feel like heaven. So hot, so sweet. You were made for me. I can’t wait to watch you fall apart for me.” 

Even reaches between them to grip Isak’s cock as he twists his hips to find the angle to hit Isak’s sweet spot. He knows he has when Isak bucks up into him frantically. Even finds that spot again and again, grinding in a dirty rhythm as he pumps Isak’s dripping length. Isak is so wrecked, his eyes almost completely black, his chest heaving as he chases his pleasure. 

“Ev…Ev…Even!” Isak shouts as he erupts all over Even’s hand and his chest. The feel of his hot channel clenching around him sends Even over the edge as well. Even shouts as he comes. His vision blurs for a moment as warmth floods through his veins. He falls onto Isak, who wraps his arms around Even. 

*****

They lie together for a while, exchanging soft kisses and murmuring sweet words to each other. Eventually, Even gets up, goes into the bathroom, and then comes back with a warm cloth to clean Isak up. Isak has never felt so cherished. After, Even gets in bed beside him. Isak sighs with the perfection of the moment. He is back where he always felt safest, in bed with Even. They fall into a deep and peaceful sleep, content to be together again.

The next morning, Isak wakes to Even’s arms still around him. He smiles to himself and traces gentle fingers over his arm and hand. Even wakes with a rumbly “Good morning,” and Isak can hear the smile in his voice. They doze for a while, wrapped up in each other, until Isak’s stomach starts to growl. 

“I guess I need to feed my man,” Even laughs. “Pancakes?” he asks.

“Always pancakes,” Isak replies. 

After they share a sweet breakfast together, Even goes into the bedroom, then comes out with his hands behind his back, looking secretive and smiley. 

“What do you have there?” Isak asks. 

Even smiles, “It’s one last birthday present.” He has Isak close his eyes and hold out a hand. When he does, he feels something small and metallic placed there.

“Okay,” Even says, “You can open your eyes now.”

Isak does. Sitting in his palm is a key. The key to Even’s house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading until the end! I hope you enjoyed my first fic. I really loved the idea of Isak celebrating his 18th birthday somewhere where he could show his friends, and especially Even, his full self. Plus, the fact that they finally get to be naked with each other. Writing these scenes is delicate, but I think they really show how vulnerable the characters, and the writer, can be. I have some ideas for my next story, so there should be more to come. Love to hear your thoughts in the comments!


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